I wanna scream “I like youuuu” at the top of my lungs, but I’m afraid that someone else would hear me.

I don’t know if my friends know this, but I am really insecure. I am definitely one of the most insecure people I know. Sometimes, I wonder why. I try to think a couple of good qualities just to prove myself that I’m okay. And then some things around me happen, and I’m back again, feeling bad about myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m a piece of annoying, irritating, too dependent to someone I am overly attached. I cling to that person so much. I need to have them reassure me that I’m not as bad as I think, that I will always be accepted no matter what. I need to know that I am not this naive, melodramatic, sensitive, borderline pathetic girl who just wanted attention, to feel loved, or liked. I don’t like thinking that someone and I are not okay, that someone doesn’t like me for who I am, that someone is uneasy with me.. Because I don’t want to think that I did something wrong. I want to believe that I am not the ‘attention-seeker-kind-of-girl’ my friends used to tease me way way back.. But then, I get thinking.. I wonder why it matters so much, to have these people like me and accept me. I wonder why I’m dying to understand things that I probably never will understand. I wonder why I want to change, but why am I not changing for myself instead of changing for other people. I don’t know why I have this urge to be who everyone wants me to be. I hate myself for that..

1. State your name: Yan

2. State the name that your parents almost named you: Koreen/Luigi Hahaha.

3. Which of your relatives do you get along with the most? Cousins (mother side)

4. What was your first job?  Never had one. Lazzzyy ass! Haha.

6. Did anything embarrassing happen this week? - Yeah. Not for you to know! 

7. Do you miss your ex? - U mean my 1st boyfraaan? Yizzz. Hi Meki! Haha.

8. Do people praise you for your looks? Rarely. I’m pretty much aware that I’m not that attractive. U know.

9. What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? White/dull/dark colors.

10. How do you wear your makeup? I don’t wear make-up!

11. What are some of your nicknames? Yanner. Yang. Xa. Yani.

12. Do you love your best friend? I do. Super love her even if we don’t see each other that much.

13. Things you do when you get bored? I randomly dance like a dumbshell without caring about anyone around me. Haha.

14. Do you have a job? Refer to #4

15. Are you currently in a relationship? uhm, Nooo?

16. Do you work out every week? Haha. Not my thing!

17. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Ofc!

18. Have you ever kissed someone you never saw again? Yea…

19. Have you ever sang in front of a crowd? Once.

20. What do you hate the most? Math. or anything related to computations and the like. Hahahaha. Swear! jk. shallow!!

21. Do you like your eyes? No :( Impaired vision. :(

22. Do you think you are pretty? Hahahahaha. Srsly? NO.

23. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Siblings.

24. How much do you love your family? I love them more than what you could think of.

25. Are you single? ….yes

26. Do you want kids? Yea, someday.

27. Tell me what your ideal guy/girl looks like: Neat looking.

28. Who celebrity do you think is hot? Logan Lerman <3

29. Last movie you saw: Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist.

30. Are you dating the same person you dated last year? Nerrr.

31. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you? Yuhhhh. Haha.

32. Have you ever cheated? I regret doing so. :p 

33: Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Yep!

34: What do you like to do in your spare time? Shop. Movie. Swim. Play. etc. 

35: Do you have a facebook? If so, would you still consider to be friends with your ex? Depends.

36: What’s the sweetest thing someone’s ever done for you? Secret!

37: Who was the last person you texted? Tayee.

38: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? :> Huh!

39: How do you look right now? Haggard. Haha.

40: Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? — * * * *